Definitely not available in any shops, or on your favourite tax-dodging online retailer’s website either
Some time ago, I was with a good friend of mine and on the M56 motorway near Preston Brook, there was this Beyonce song which epitomised Dependent Personality Disorder. The lyrics – the drippiness of it all, mawkish, pleading nature – rubbed us up the wrong way. Shortly after boarding a train from Manchester Airport to Stalybridge, I hit upon the idea of a compilation album. It could have been called AC/DPD, as a nod to the seminal Anglo-Australian heavy rock group.
Almost five years on, I still couldn’t.
This time, the idea of a similar compilation album came to me in my sister’s car, in the summer of 2011. Her favoured radio station had a thing for Mike Posner’s ‘Cooler Than Me’ (well it seemed that way to me). Then I realised it was just as narcissistic as The Stone Roses’ opening track from their eponymous debut album.
So, ‘The Greatest Narcissistic Personality Album in the World… Ever’ was born. So, here is the resultant post after a 4.5 year gestation period – and the title was only thought of in the last half hour. Each tune was carefully chosen between soap operas sometime in 2012, and left neglected on a piece of paper. Till tonight.
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(Cue Tommy Vance style voiceover) EM60tel proudly presents the album that was made for you. An album so vain, you’d probably think it was for you!
The Greatest Narcissistic Personality Album in the World… Ever!
- I Wanna Be Adored, The Stone Roses (1989);
- You’re So Vain, Carly Simon (1972);
- Look At Me, Geri Halliwell (1999);
- Do You Love Me?, The Contours (1962);
- I Want You To Want Me, Cheap Trick (1979);
- Follow Me, Uncle Kracker (2001);
- Do You Really Want To Hurt Me?, Culture Club (1982).
- Dancing With Myself, Generation X (1980);
- Ain’t Nobody But Me, Supertramp (1975);
- Cooler Than Me, Mike Posner (2011);
- Born This Way, Lady Gaga (2010);
- Follow Me, Amanda Lear (1978);
- Hall of Mirrors, Kraftwerk (1977);
- I Could Be So Good For You, Dennis Waterman (1980).
All but one of the songs on side one overtly celebrate narcissism. The sole exception is Carly Simon’s anti-narcissism number, which was written about Warren Beatty and features Mick Jagger on backing vocals.
The most narcissistic song of the seven on the first side is Geri Halliwell’s first solo outing Look At Me. Besides the lyrics, the music video showed Ms. Halliwell in a series of situations where she wore the trousers.
On the second side, Dancing With Myself is more about Bashing The Bishop or if you prefer, having a Barclays (hence the line ‘love vibration’). The choice of track is more in keeping with the odd one being a tenuous link in compilation albums or mixtapes.
The rest of side two is, generally a combination of more ego-massaging and trying to cop off with someone. This best epitomised by the second, third and fourth tracks. The second, from Supertramp’s Crisis? What Crisis? album could well be a prequel to another Rick Davies song (Lover Boy) on their next album Even in the Quietest Moments.
Feel free to comment on the fourteen tracks. Alternatively, suggest a few more to this spoof album.
S.V., 08 February 2014.