Did I Really Want One of Those? 9. The Bonny Boy Drinks Dispenser

Taking the…

02 January 2014: Lucky Scots, they’ve got an extra day off for New Year! Me, back to the grindstone. A quiet day, but just as I was about to tidy my desk a support call came to me at 5.28pm. He was on for a good 32 minutes talking about his Windows 8.1 installation. Yours truly, somewhat mad, was caught up on Stockport Road with assorted shoppers. Could have done with a stiff one, but Marple Fish Bar sufficed instead. Fish, chips, peas and the hot curry: priceless. No cooking for my partner: ditto the above.

You thought somebody was pulling your leg, after you called in to your local pub and spoke to a good friend of yours about this device:

The Bonny Boy Drinks Dispenser

So, we continue our theme of politically incorrect kitsch items. Our artefact dates from the late 1960s, though has often appeared in mail order catalogues to this present day.

The Bonny Boy Drinks Dispenser is based on the Belgian statue of the Manneken Pis. Situated in the capital city of Brussels, it is possibly the city’s second best known landmark, after the atomic structure sculpture for the European Union. Yet numerous households throughout the globe had a statue of the former. Besides offering a talking point on the unit, it mimicked the original statue.

Where it trumped the original, the Bonny Boy Drinks Dispenser could urinate your favourite brandy, whisky, wine or insipid lager into your glass. This is done by placing up to 330ml (typical can size) of your favourite drink into the base of the Bonny Boy. A straw feeds the statuette with your tipple.

On placing two AA batteries into the base, you would press a button and… Hey Fine Fare! Your favourite single malt/strong real ale/bland lager/alcopop emerges from his genitalia. Cue laughter (for about two seconds). Then enjoy your drink.

*                                *                                *

2013 price: $19.99 (new from Papa Bert’s World Famous Sippin’ Seat, checked 19 November 2013 ).

S.V., 09 December 2013.

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