East of the M60 is doing a blog about it
OK, only kidding about the subtitle. After a number of more serious bus based articles I thought it would be a good idea to lighten the mood a little.
These findings and observations have come about from my personal experience as a bus user able to remember the dying days of Greater Manchester Transport and thereafter. I may throw the odd dafter one in for good measure. Read the rest of this entry »
A special mixtape to celebrate 40 years since the formation of SELNEC PTE
40 years ago came one of the most revolutionary reforms to public transport management in the Greater Manchester area. As per Barbara Castle’s 1968 Transport Act, part of this legislation involved the formation of Conurbation Transport Authorities. Read the rest of this entry »
“…Heartbeat, why do you miss when my baby kisses me…” – Buddy Holly
The strains of ITV’s much loved period drama may no longer haunt the screens in a few years time due to falling ad revenues, which may well be a blow for the North Yorkshire village of Goathland. Viewing figures have halved since the programme made its debut in 1992. I reckon it could down to the fact the programme may have ran its course, but that’s another story best left to another topic.
On the whole, has anybody else realised how Sunday night programmes tend to be more sombre? I don’t think it leaves any of us in a sunny disposition for Monday mornings. It is this concept which has led me to a new Not So Perfect Ten. Today’s subject, ‘Sunday Night Terrors’ is a rundown of the most sombre programmes ever to have graced the Sunday night schedules. They merit inclusion on the grounds of its mawkish nature, sheer crapness, apocalyptic doom and an unedifying blandness which screams ‘Monday is on the way’.
There are probably several more to list which may form a follow-up to this subject. Please note that the transmission dates within this list above refer to the UK transmission dates.
Before I discovered the joys of real ale, Sky Sports, and Sunday bus services, Monday was almost on its way when Channel 4 reverberated to the strains of Little House on the Prairie. Though the sets were lavish, I couldn’t get into the programme, unlike my mother.
There must be an unwritten rule that Sundays had to be a schmaltz-fest. There was the awful ‘Small Wonder’ which included the non-adventures of a girl and her robot. Then ‘Highway to Heaven’ would come on after ‘Weekend World’ or ‘Aap Kaa Ark’. Coinciding neatly with Sunday pub closing times (before 1994, you couldn’t get a pint between 1500 and 2000 hours) was The Love Boat. The premise was that romantic and funny adventures took place on cruise ships around the world. Interesting. Could we have some football on instead? Thankfully, Bullseye used to start shortly after, which neatly finished for the UK Top 40 Countdown.
For me, the weekend finished as soon as the UK No. 1 chart single was announced. Now that I no longer listen to the music charts, Antiques Roadshow will suffice instead. Though I find this programme mildly interesting, it doesn’t quite stir my senses the same way as a rare home win for Stalybridge Celtic. Now that Fiona Bruce presents this programme, I have started watching it more, so I’ll leave this to your imagination…
Sometime in 1996, Richard Wilson returned to ITV for the sitcom Duck Patrol. After doing the successful One Foot in the Grave on ‘the other side’, ITV thought this would be their equivalent to ‘Last of the Summer Wine’. My family and several other viewers thought otherwise as we tried to force a titter.
Around about the same timeslot as Antiques Roadshow was Surprise Surprise, a televisual equivalent of the ‘missing persons’ column with ‘our Cilla’ at the helm. I found it rather schmaltzy, making at the Anne Nightingale’s request show on Radio 1 a more inviting proposition. When I was young, I hated the programme and thought ‘Ho hum, school is on the way’. Now if there was a quiz show element to it…
In a bid to make Sunday night the new Saturday, ITV decided to give its Sunday night schedule an overhaul. Spurred on the success of Dancing on Ice, ITV thought Beat The Star would become another. Alas it wasn’t. The Vernon Kay fronted programme [Beat The Star] encouraged the general public to take on celebrities at challenges akin to ‘You Bet’. The biggest challenge was sitting through 90 minutes of this programme, despite not fulfilling the ‘depressing’ nature of Sunday programme.
If trying to impress us with ice dancers weren’t enough, trying to create a similar programme to an already successful one was bad enough. Enter Where The Heart Is, produced by Anglia Television, yet set in West Yorkshire. I found the storylines maudlin and unadventurous. Where was the suspense laden plots, or the fear factor?
The fear factor was something Threads did have - in buckets – one Sunday night in 1984. Ticking all boxes for a Sunday night doomfest, the docudrama was set in Sheffield before, during and after a nuclear attack. It is also something of a cult classic (and rightly so), not least for a social history of 1980s Sheffield, its shoestring budget, and ability to scare anyone into joining CND. Even on repeated viewing, I cannot fail to be stirred by the anti nuclear weapons demo scenes, and the first nuclear strike which occurs 55 minutes into the programme (nicely timed before Spitting Image when shown on the 23rd September 1984).
For the terrified feared of the nuclear reality approaching them at the time, they could have chickened out and watched something more asinine, like Tales of the Unexpected or Hart to Hart. Featuring Stefanie Powers and Robert Wagner, the titles were, in my opinion were as good as the programme got. Then again, I was sent to bed well before that programme started, and it is only through anecdotal evidence I was told that Freeway was the best actor (and he was their dog).
Now I know why we get this ‘OMG, I’ve got to go to work/school/college feeling’. It is almost as if the programmes are selected to numb us into work. Unless of course it happens to be a decent horror film or the excellent Threads.
Bring on the trumpets!
S.V. 05 March 2009.
Ten buses reviewed and the best places to sit on board
In nearly 30 years of travelling around Greater Manchester by bus from babe in arms to full fare paying passenger I have boarded more than my fair share of GMT standard buses from Leyland Atlanteans to Dennis Dominators. Read the rest of this entry »
Pastimes for the inner dag
For this incarnation of the Not So Perfect 10, I am focusing on what I would consider are the most daggiest pastimes. Most of these have been inspired by my personal experience: Read the rest of this entry »
On ITV2
Several years back, we used to have a jolly old pop at what daft stuff our neighbours across the English Channel were producing. We laughed at daft brand names on ‘That’s Life’, Read the rest of this entry »
Yes folks, it’s that time of the year again, ‘Comic Relief’.
What started off a ninety minute programme has mushroomed into an evening long telethon, with linked programmes. For the purpose of this post, I would like to hear your memories of previous Comic Relief years. I shall start off with my memories.
For me, 2001 was the best year, as I spent an hour outside the Stalybridge branch of Tescos, collecting for Comic Relief, dressed as an overweight Emily Howard lookalike! Ten years earlier, I was at school, and took part in a ‘talent contest’ singing the then popular Right Said Fred song ‘I’m Too Sexy’, followed by ‘The Stonk’ by Hale and Pace. In the same year, I brought the house down at the school hall with an impression of a washing machine for a version of ‘Whose Line Is It Anyway?’, organised by some sixth formers.
For the next part of this post, I shall make reference to the Comic Relief songs.
My favourite was the first ever single for the said charity, ‘Living Doll’. This was a version by Cliff Richard and The Young Ones (yes, Rik, Vyvian, Mike and Neil of the 1982 – 4 sitcom… heavv-vee!) from 1986. The most cheesiest one has to be ‘The Stonk’ by Hale and Pace and the Stonkers (which was a more blatant single; a trend followed by Right Said Fred with ‘Stick It Out’). This is due to the talent contest mentioned earlier.
The Singles (note, this is not a complete list; any additions welcome):
Your comments please…
A nice fun topic on how to manage a successful game of Hangman.
Hangman is best played in large groups, with a team of four or more players. Consider playing Hangman in the traditional way, or a more competitive way. For the purpose of this posting, the traditional way is ‘collaborative Hangman’, where the person who solves the puzzle suggests the next phrase.
Competitive Hangman should be played in a way similar to ‘Family Fortunes’, with a presenter and two teams with four players each. A topic is selected at random by the MC’s computer/brain cells.
If desired, the drawn noose and gibbet could be replaced by an electric chair.
If anybody wishes to comment on these ideas, please do.
Stuart.
As well as being the title of a 1978 album featuring the 20 worst songs according to a Capital Radio show hosted by the late great Kenny Everett, the purpose of this post is about crimes against music.
The 1978 album released by K-Tel includes songs about drink driving, necrophilia and… three Jess Conrad tracks (poor man). My favourite musical disaster from that album is ‘Paralysed’ by the Legendary Stardust Cowboy, along with Jimmy Cross’ ‘I Want My Baby Back’. If you can find a copy on eBay buy it straight away. It is a real education in musical composition and on how not to get to number one, nor gain extra friends via myspace.com.
My crimes against music are: lyricists who blatantly rhyme “touch” with “much” (so cliched) and songs switching octaves almost suddenly (the truck driver’s gear change). As for particular artistes, well, I would say anyone who butchers ‘Unchained Melody’, ‘Uptown Girl’ or ‘Agadoo’ to death, to the point all enjoyment is lost (I lied about the latter one).
As for particular songs, I would consign the following to Room 202 (Room 101 is too good for them) :
Above are my not so Fab Four. Filed under ’so bad they are good’, I would say these fit my criteria for Room 50.5:
Readers of this blog, I will invite you to add further comments and songs which would reside in Room 202, or Room 50.5.
Stuart Vallantine: A lover of rotten records as well as more decent stuff like Supertramp, ELO and the Toy Dolls.
Several months ago, being one of 13,500 regular monthly users of Stalybridge station, I was getting cheesed off with the amount of delays on the Trans Pennine Express. Being that I was bored of the free newspapers, and heard enough announcements (or excuses) in my lifetime, I hit upon this madcap idea.
In recent times, I had seen lotto games, similar to a football card which used office buzzwords like ‘Touch Base’, ‘Thinking outside the box’ and ‘Ball Park Estimate’. I then thought: ‘what about the announcements used to describe late running trains?’
So on that dull November in 2005, Rail Excuse Bingo was born.
As with normal bingo games, commuters would circle their desired squares. Instead of ‘Clickety Click, Class 56′, ‘leaves on the line’, ’signal failure’ and ’staff shortage’ would feature. A line could win you a free day saver ticket (in Greater Manchester, the GM Rail Ranger). A full house on the card could win you a season ticket between any two of your desired points (though to a maximum 30 miles round trip, so no-one can screw the railways requesting a season ticket for travel from Littlehampton to Thurso).
Money could be channelled towards passenger user groups such as the Penistone Line Partnership, and feature either as a one off game for Christmas, or to commemorate a new fares revision.
Sadly the game can only work effectively at staffed stations, unstaffed stations with the dulcet tones of Phil Sayer, or on board trains with public address announcements.
Please note, this article is meant to be taken as tongue in cheek, and that the man behind ‘East of the M60′ understands that rail companies do not really like to break bad news, nor purposely inconvenience its passengers.
Stuart Vallantine.
